Hey there!

 

It’s Demi, in case ya forgot. I honestly did there for a minute!

 

  Pregnancy. Man. There is nothing like it. It comes in and wipes you onto your butt faster than you can excitedly say, “WE’RE PREGNANT!!!”…At least that’s how I felt. I truly envy all the mama’s out there who really, truly LOOOOVE being pregnant (I still choose to believe it doesn’t exist…) because then I will just be angry all over again about how ROUGH the first 20 weeks of this journey has been for me, and I’ve moved on from that, no resentment here 😉 lol.

So, let me briefly summarize the first and second trimester of my pregnancy, and I promise I will do my best to be as realistic as possible!

  Starting with the moment I found out I was pregnant! I had so many mixed emotions when I read “positive”on the pregnancy test. It was early November, Saturday I believe. Blake was on a business trip, and I had the strongest feeling I was pregnant. Anyone who knows me and is reading this will laugh, when DON’T I think I’m pregnant? lol. But this time felt different for some reason…

  So I drove to the dollar store to pick up some tests. I grabbed one off the shelf and headed toward the register,  but instead turned around and grabbed 9 more tests (Blake and I had just had a conversation on our anniversary in October about starting to actually track my ovulation and try to get pregnant) so I thought it’d be smart to get a handful of tests for the weeks and possibly months to come. Turns out I only needed that one test after-all!

  I wish my reaction could’ve been recorded because I LOST it! So many different emotions started flooding in and then the tears came! “Holy crap! I’m going to be a mom!” “I JUST turned 22, I’m not ready!!” I remember feeling so inadequate and just kept praying over and over that I’d be a good mom to this little human! I cried and cried and cried…

  I remember thinking to myself, “I can’t believe we’re having a little girl!” and crying even harder. Then I stopped and realized, I couldn’t have known that already… I don’t know if that was God’s way of giving me a little piece of mind (I have always wanted a little girl first) or if I was just so flustered by the news, that the pink pregnancy test made me automatically think, “GIRL!” haha whichever it was, in that moment I was overcome with peace. And I knew I wouldn’t be alone in the journey of motherhood ahead.

  I look back on that day and realize how special it will always be to me. Every other time I had taken a pregnancy test and gotten a negative, Blake had been there. But this time I had that moment, to actually break down and go through a series of emotions, realizing that my life was about to change forever, all on my own, and I never realized how much I needed that.

Fast forward to telling Blake that we were expecting, another sweet moment I always want to remember! I’ll post the full video of me announcing the news to him, as well as to both of our families… He couldn’t have been more excited! I’ll probably say this a million times, but Blake is seriously going to be the best Dad! I can’t wait to raise our little girl with him.

 

  I’m glad I had that sweet experience to fall back on through my pregnancy because it has been so SO tough. So hard, that at times I would pray to just have it taken away from me! There were seriously days I wished to not be pregnant. I know that sounds horrible and so selfish, but again, it was so hard. The hardest thing I have ever gone through in my entire life thus far, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

  I’ll spare the gory details of it all, but Picture me literally not leaving my bed for 15 weeks straight, unless it was for a doctor’s appointment, to throw up, or go to the bathroom. I seriously don’t know if I showered in that time…I would throw up 3-4 times a day and just cry, because of how frustrated I was. I couldn’t keep anything healthy down, including prenatal’s or any medication for that matter. Any subtle smell sent me straight to the bathroom heaving, it was so bad, we literally had to move from our cute little house because I couldn’t take the smell of the place 🙁 I could cry thinking about it. It was SOOO sucky.

I couldn’t even pack my own house and move, my best friend and husband had to drop their lives and literally do it all for me, I felt so useless. Holidays are officially ruined for me! Anything that smells like Christmas or reminds me of Thanksgiving makes me want to puke! I really hope I get over that, it makes me so sad!

  Now, before you read this and think “What a brat, suck it up, at least you can get pregnant and have babies!” –and trust me, I had so many ignorant comments like this said to me…Not a day went/goes by that I didn’t/don’t feel beyond grateful to be able to create life! Blake and I cried together many of times saying “This will all be worth it!” I prayed so many times to be able to see the good and the light at the end of the tunnel. I tried my best to focus on the good, whatever that might’ve been at the time, and be excited. BUT, being sick just sucks. period. I felt like I had the never-ending flu! And any negative feeling I had was strictly tied to feeling horrible, not to that precious baby inside me, who I already loved so much! Pregnancy is weird, emotional, exciting, horrible, beautiful and seriously something you don’t understand until you’re in the thick of it! One thing is for sure, I have so much more respect for my own mother, and all other mama’s out there! It is no easy task to house these little creatures for 9. whole. months.!!!

Now that we’ve gotten REAL real and personal, let’s move onto the fun, less serious, exciting stuff 🙂 Ultrasounds, finding out the gender, feeling baby move etc.

I now understand when women would say to me, “Feeling normal in pregnancy doesn’t exist, you just have days that are a little better than your worst days.” It’s so true! Although I haven’t thrown up since around week 22, I still have days where I am exhausted, or where I can’t breathe and my back and hips will ache, and there are many sleepless nights. However, there are so many beautiful and incredible things I’ve enjoyed about pregnancy since I’ve felt a little bit better! And with that, the fun stuff has made my experience so much better!

  I felt baby kick for the first time on Valentine’s Day while receiving a group Chinese foot massage, despite the picture and scenario you may have just had pop in your head from that sentence (insert laughing crying emoji here), this was one of the happiest moments of my life!! I all but screamed “BLAKE!! I JUST FELT HER!” haha we couldn’t believe it! And I don’t think those poor Chinese people could believe it either…how loud I screamed, that is.

  later that night, Blake was able to feel her move too, I’ll never forget that incredible moment:)

Then there was the gender reveal, every single person guessed I was having a boy that even I was semi-convinced it was a boy! But God loves me more than everyone wants to believe (how many times do I have to tell ppl that? sheesh) and blessed me with my wish to have a precious little girl! Best. day. ever.

I have my 28-week appointment this week as well as an ultrasound, (almost to 30 weeks!!)  and I can’t wait to see how much more baby girl has grown! Oh, how I love her already!

P.S. we have a few names picked out, but are having the hardest time deciding on which one! Pray for me to be able to make a decision by the time she arrives! But really…I have nightmares about it!

 

I can’t believe that is our little girl!! My heart!

Look at that little profile! Real tears!! I’m dying to meet her!

Here’s my bump at 20 weeks! I was so bad at ‘bump’dating (is that a real thing?) due to being so sick, but I love this one of Blake and I that I’ve got 🙂

 

Can’t wait to meet this sweetie girl

xx Demi